Tuesday..................
At least nine child-care centers in Melbourne, Australia, have banned all stories about crime-fighting superheroes, lest it encourage aggressiveness (August).
(kiss dolls for instance)

A primary school in Birmingham, England, banned parents from its annual sports day so that the kids who did not win contests and races would not feel so bad (May).
(it's about time)

A 42-year-old salesman for Tires Plus in Athens, Ga., was charged with offering a female customer four tires for sex.
(i'm sure she had the same mileage as the tires).

there, i wrote something....

i told you there is a population problem....
Latest Street Price for a Child: $250 (Judith Ann Garland, 20, was convicted in Baltimore in September of offering a 2-year-old boy because she needed $250 for bail on drug charges.).

Police decided not to charge Lula Brown for 911 abuse even though she had called the emergency number just to report that a McDonald's tried to charge her for extra barbecue sauce

except these guys!!!!! yeah
With United Nations funding, the pygmy musical group Ndima released a 10-track CD of songs backed by music made by animal horns, rawhide drums and bamboo pipes (Republic of the Congo).


o.k.back to the assholes:
Egyptian law scholar Nabel Hilmi told a weekly newspaper in Cairo in August that he and other Switzerland-based expatriates are preparing a lawsuit against "all the Jews in the world" for the "trillions of tons" of gold and jewelry that Jews swiped during their exodus from Egypt in the time of the Pharoahs.

There was a conflict reported in August in an aggravated assault in Skowhegan, Maine, as to who had stabbed Paul Vienaire, according to police. Jean Lampron, 46, was charged with the stabbing, but she said Vienaire's ex-wife did it. Vienaire, however, said that the ex-wife "ordered" the stabbing but that Lampron actually carried it out. Police attributed both explanations to alcohol, since Vienaire's ex-wife died long before the incident occurred.

A 46-year-old woman was hospitalized in critical condition when she dropped a coin while at a drive-thru window at a McDonald's, then opened her minivan door to retrieve it, taking her foot off the brake, allowing the van to inch forward, trapping her head in the open door, which lodged against a post.

Ms. Jamila Glauber filed a lawsuit against the transit system in Juneau, Alaska, because a driver's attempt to enforce the well-known no-eating rule on a bus (it was a Snickers bar) caused her, she says, at least $50,000 worth of emotional distress (July). And Kenneth Williams, in jail near San Diego, awaiting trial for raping an underage girl, filed a lawsuit against the facility because of the mental stress and anguish and weight-loss caused by finding a fly in his mashed potatoes.

i think this should go under "people really suck"

I am cracking myself up. I have nothing to say. Not a damn thing. Really. Nope, nada, nothing. Absolutely nothing. No feelings to express, no emotions, nope, nothing. 100% Grade A nothing. Nothing. Black, void, hole in the universe, nothing. Complete emptiness. Lacking all, lacking everything, lacking. Nothing.
Wait, this sounds good. Lets put some music to what I just said. Pitcher a daddyo in the corner playing a stand up base. “Ba Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum, BaBum Bu Bu Bu Bu.” Now start over from the top and tap your foot to the beat and sing it. Let it possess you, let it slide off the tong like sugar. Yeah! You got it. Now you got it, keep going….

I have just written a song about nothing. That was fun, but I was also contradicting myself. This is sillier than Space Ghost…..

lets say, life sucks for the first time....
the other day, i got a call,
i foundout my grandmother has cancer. that sucked the big one, then a day later i go into planned parenthood and find out i might also have a form of cancer, but they will not know until the tests come back in a month. so now i have to sit on it for a month. then today i got the good news; that my grandmother is doing better and they can remove most of it without any harm to her body. god, i hope i get good news. my parents have been through enough wit my grandparents, i don think this will be any better, more like overwelming. i am scared and after the blow to my parents about my grandmother, i am afraid to tell them. so now, things are stagnent.....

PROFESSOR CHRIS Idzikowski, director of the Sleep Assessment and Advisory Service and a visiting professor at the University of Surrey in southern England, has identified six common sleep positions and what they mean.
“We are all aware of our body language when we are awake but this is the first time we have been able to see what our subconscious says about us,” he said.
The freefall, flat on the tummy with the hands at the sides of the head, is the most unusual position. Only 6.5 percent of people prefer it and they are usually brash and gregarious.................

what a dandy, he is right

Welcome to the new vaudeville
Social Services is a great place to meet people, especially if you live in Rockland County, NY. Yeah, fucking right! Let me reiterate here. Rockland County is a Vaudeville Freak show that takes place every day. No tickets necessary just show up at 7:30 am and you’ll be in for a ride…
Well that’s what I did, all because of Great Adventure’s theme park adventure ride, Batman & Robin. I need some help with the bills before the lawsuit.
Anyway, the girl on the phone yesterday told me to show up extra early because of the people applying for medicade. So I did just that. I had a total of 6 hours sleep, showed up with black rings around my eyes, due to my fucked up school schedule, and ready for anything, well almost. When I arrived there were 8 people standing outside with a territorial look in their eye. So, I got to the back of the line and sucked down my second double cappuccino. After coffee and giving out 3cigarettes and a quick local call on the cell phone, the line got larger. A rather huge black woman, who was talking away her problems to anyone who would listen, spied a hisetic Jew drive up in a 2003 SUV and get in line. She freaked out and started screaming at him about how he and his religious brotherhood were sucking the system dry. Not to mention the fact that they lie about their occupation and job status in order to get a free hand out. “Why didn’t you park that fat SUV in the front of the parking lot, that way everyone will know you’re a lying Jew!” he didn’t say anything out of fear and shock… she berated him until we got in. well the line took forever…
But the people were on center stage. What bothered me, which had nothing to do with what the black woman said, was the fact that a 70 year old Jewish woman was walking around with a walker with wheels. This thing was so old, she was walking it. The wheels tilted to the opposite sides, the bars in the middle were bent and falling out. But what was disturbing was her son. He stood around, typical, and watched everyone with a hawk’s eye. When she struggled from the counter to a chair, he would stand there and just watch. I was sure this thing would fall apart, but thank BOB it didn’t. What an asshole, he was actually clueless, stupid, and retarded. She was a chatter box. If I lifted my chin, she went immediately into song, off key that is. I hated it, and got up with a double pounding head ach. Well, to cut it short, when I finally got out, I mean finally, the black girl was in the lobby, wailing like a baby about how the system sucks… they took away her eligibility and food stamps…..talk about the pecking order meeting karma.

You know what? I am pissed off today. Not only did I find out I needed to pick up two more classes in order to graduate this December, having to drive 2 hours a day, 130 miles of high way, 4 days a week, but the fact that “People Really Suck” is going down. WHY!! Who will I read when I sip my morning coffee? No one! Who will put on his black cape of doom and fight the inbred motherfuckers that mass consume this fucking ridiculous world? No One!!! Who will yell at the toilet swipe, the trailer trash, and the toothless rednecks of Boston, the trendy, the hipsters, the gossip columnists, the president and his capitalist’s whores? No one!!
Who will defend KISS, computer geeks alike, gory moviegoers? No one. That’s so depressing, I wanna cry right now. Who will battle the forces of good for the forces of the dark side, which will point out the obvious to the blind and fashionably correct? Who will bad mouth and bash the rich?
Kids everywhere have heard your call. They cry to their mothers, their fathers, and babysitters. They no longer have a dream, no longer a supper hero to look up to. High school kids will no longer have a clue (like they ever did) about anything, they will walk the halls of school blindly into a gray future full of spiders and buzzing overhead lights. Grown up’s will grow up. Scary! No more morning cartoons, no more can cheese, no more smiles and sticking out the tongue.
I hope all can hear my soft muffled cries, the breaking of my heart, because my defender of the dark side is changing the force and packing it in…
BOOHOOHOO!!!!!!!

monday morning....................................
sailing the sea of cheese

So, it seems that I have a sleeping disorder, sleep walking. I have been aware of it for years, but last night was something different. Sasha came in after I got up for a drink of water around 4 am. I couldn’t sleep. When he sat next to me, he asked if I remembered what I did last night. Of course I did not, but my mind immediately gave me an image of walking to the front door in my underwear looking for the bathroom. No, this didn’t happen.
He said he came in to make love and my eyes were half open, so he thought I was awake. He took my panties off and said I was looking up at the ceiling. What were you looking at? I said, the man on the ceiling. He looked up, started laughing, and said who is that. I said “I don’t know. Then we started doing it. He asked if it felt good. I said yes and no. why no? because I am an 18 year old virgin, that’s why! He asked me if I knew him, I said no. you’re a pirate. He then asked if my boyfriend knew if he was here, I said no. he asked why I was having sex with a pirate, and I said because you are holding a gun to my head. We made love and when he left he said “arggg, thanks for the booty”.
When he told me all of this, I laughed, knowing full well, I don’t remember saying it, nor do I remember making love, very creepy. Well at least I was not running around outside in my underwear looking for the toilet….

YOU WIN!!!
Now I have seen it all, tasted it all. i am going back to my secret castle and plotting the end of the world. this is too much for even me to handle. right after writing my last piece, I went out side to enjoy a cigarette before my next class. what should walk past me? take a guess. try really hard this time. your getting warm. well, yes it was a stinky hippy chick. what was so crazy about it was this, she was a midget!!!!! now I like midgets, I really do. the little people are like Lepercons. Short like me, but due to the fact that she was a greasy, stinky hippy, now that got my blood boiling. It ruined my whole outlook on the little people and my fascination of them. That was a blow to my life. Why didn’t you stay in your room while I smoked my cigarette in peace. Damn you. Booo hooo hooo!!!!!

Well, it’s almost time for cracker head Captain Kangaroo. I had a good laugh the other day on my way back from school, I have a lot of time on my hands as you can see. Well, I was thinking of him and then it dawned on me, he looks like the white worm man on the X files. I think in that episode, he lived in the gutters and sewers. Well, I thought that was right up his alley, very rich indeed. Mr. Cracker head & Captain Kangaroo has another name, but I am at a loss for words at the moment. What else to call him. How about, Muddy Mud Skipper, or the lair of the white worm, or gummy worm. Ok they all sound appealing. I think ill keep them all and call him Mr. Cracker Head Captain Kangaroo lover, Muddy Mud Skipper look alike, gummy worm eater, who lives in the lair of the white worm. (done, take a breath) Gee, I am looking forward to his class. Oh boy, oh boy, that I am indeed.
I wonder what fun stuff we will lean today in class. Chapters 1-7. He might as well use sign language, we might understand it more. At least we will know he still has a pulse. I would love to teach him how to properly install a metal paper clip in a light socket. That would be a gas…. Or, if I knew how to build a computer program, teach him how to install a bomb into his computer and have it blow up in his face.. He needs a new hobby, something stimulating. Maybe ice skating. He would make a great Hitler on ice. He could explore acting. His role would be A Rock. He could try singing. He could sing a song in a Broad way musical, he would be a Mime expressing his deepest emotions to the audience. They would be spell bound. Well, time to go to class now. Got any nodo’s?

I Hate YOU, I Hate You!!! So now it's time you met my friend Hose!
I want to know…
Why do girls wear ratted-old blue jeans and a tie dye skirt together? What is up with that fashion disaster? Has the petrully oil gone straight to their heads? I think so. Believe it or not, you are a looser, get it, good. The sixties are over, long over. What the hell are you trying to express about your persona, that you cant be a somebody, but a wannabe? Duh!! Here is a few tips for you;
1.Take a bath= 6 day old petrully oil smells worse than your unshaven, nappy dredlocked underarm hair.
2.Comb your hair, it looks like a birds nest that pigeons ran sacked.
3.Stop playing your guitar in the park, your lyrics suck. Rainbows and unicorns were over done in the 70’s.
4.Get over the fact that Kurt Kobain is dead! He is not and will never be a martyr for your depression, he was smart, he offed himself and told everyone he was going to do it long before it happened. What’s your excuse?
5. the greatful dead suck and so do fish. You only like them because they smell like you, a moldy day old bagel.
6. Hakie sack, now there’s a sport that should be in the Olympics. Yeah right!
7. take another bath. You smell like a wet dog, a really wet dog.
8. shave that jungle down there. How many people have gotten lost in that shit. When you’re board do you braid your legs?
9. eliminate the word “dude” from your vocabulary. It’s stupid the way it rolls out of your mouth 1,000,000 times a minute. Also, girls are not “DUDES.”
10. get off the pipe. Do us all a favor, if your going to smoke pot, give it up and switch to the harder stuff, you would make the perfect crack whore on the streets of NY. At least you have a chance of overdosing.
11. stop living in an old broken down VW bus. Does the word tacky ring a bell? Get a real car, shit, even a Huffy would be more attractive.
12. stop having children. You do not deserve to raise a baby with the shit you got going upstairs. If you cant comb your hair what makes you think you can raise a baby? Buy a fern and try that out. If you smoke it, you are retarded, if it dies, you neglected it, so off yourself.
13. stop preaching about “Meat is murder”. So, it is, but hearing you is the sickest murder of them all. Who the fuck cares about what I eat except me. Go eat your tofu turkey and choke on the bone.
14. for the girls, if you get your period, wear a tampon. You smell so bad, when you walk in the room, everyone is immediately aware that you have it.
15. free love caused the STD’s and AIDS for today. Why would you want to sleep with all your friends, that’s not cool at all. Its nasty!
16. (God, I could go on all day with this shit) get a real job, one that pays “Money” and buy your own cigarettes. People actually get annoyed when they are asked for countless amounts of cigarettes. Besides we know your old line enough, the one “I’ll give you a quarter for one of your cigarettes”. We know you don’t even have a quarter. The next time you ask, we will reply” No, but I have a comb scumbag”.
17. just go away if this is not sinking in, just move to Canada, you’ll fit right in then.

news of the weard
an accountant was charged with embezzling $170,000 from his employer (a union local) and explained that he gave it all to a female assistant for three years' worth of oral sex (New York City).

Creative writing assignment;
Describe a place that you have known for 3 months or more.
Show emotions, common fraises, and bring out the human senses in the piece.
You can only write 5 sentences, no more, no less.

Here it is...


Funeral Home Chapel.

An out-dated, 1950’s Formica palace. No circulation of air, like the uncomfortable smell of a nursing home. A sermon of ones life, summed up in 40 minutes. So much grief, one could taste the tears. From mother to earth and then to the grave, we all deny while we hold on to this ritual.

Well, this was difficult until I realized what he was hoping for, “sometimes less is better.” After hearing some of the others in class, the ones that tried to cram a page worth of words into 5 sentences full of comas, semi Collins, ect. How do you do it, how would you do it? There is no right or wrong way. Don’t tell your audience, show them. Describe it to them as though they are there, tasting it, feeling it’s texture in their hands. Bring in some commonalities that everyone can relate to, but go a little further.
Great exercise. Too bad cracker head captain kangaroo couldn’t come up with one this exciting. He would write about his dark and dingy closet. Let’s see here…
The closet..

The blackest pitch of night.
The soft patter of the itsey bitsey spider went up the wall.
Alabaster skin glowing like electricity from the light of the moon.
Back raised and arched, riddled with twisted spine syndrome.
I smell blood.

Well, that sums up that guy, that ano hetodesu, that pasty Captain Kangaroo!!!

msn news
Asteroid could hit Earth in 2014 (but don't panic, it will distroy Canada).

told you so, see you too can be a winner at the game of life!
meaning= get off the couch
TOKYO, Sept. 2 — An American mountaineer who lost the use of his legs in a car accident seven years ago resumed his slow but steady ascent of Mount Fuji on Tuesday, after his climb of Japan’s highest mountain nearly ended on its first day.

Well Captain Kangaroo began to talk and the room was filled with the rat tap tapping of the keyboards. I would love to see Captain Kangaroo get in a fight with Space ghost. I wonder who would win? Duuuhhh, there wouldn’t be a fight; he would talk him to death with his secret do-gooder skill. Zorak, well he would change color really fast. From green to blue. He’d be on the floor with rigamortis before he finished his first sentence.
Well I feel like I am in the middle of Farris Beuller’s day off. This guy is really running nowhere. I feel like the kid who just wakes up with a puddle of saliva under his mouth and spilling on the floor….God, what is so interesting about visual basics anyway? Did Captain Crunch get off studying this shit when he was in collage? Yes! Did he get social and go to frat parties, have an occasional date rape, No! Was Bill Gates picture hanging on his wall with a big red hear around it, Yes. Did he ever get laid or drunk, Hell no! well kiddies, lets try this again. This is the sort of thing you want to say when you are a kid. When I grow up, I don’t want to teach Visual Programming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, his name is salt-teen Sam, and boy is he dry. Desert dry, blow dryer dry, dry ice dry, you get the point. He is my professor, he lacks emotion, real emotion, like a smile, giggle, pulse… Can talk about nothing for the longest run on sentence of all time. He’d make Hemmingway drink himself to a stuper in less than 1 minute. His face is pale white with liver spots all over it. His lips have sagged for so many years, they have fallen to the floor. He looks as though he lives in a closet or a bacement. The kind of guy that cries out if the sun comes his way, gasping for air like nosveratu. Though he does have a striking resemblance to Captin Kangeroo, without the ping-pong balls.
Try then, if you could visualize, taking a 1 ½ class with him, his pasty face, and run-on sentences……I’ll take the prozak thanks!