thursday...................................................

Memoir of a smile

Light, blurred and pregnant in the sky
Mixed with a paint brush by evening’s artistic talent.
Soft swollen rose stretched on tip-toe towards heavens glow.
Petals outstretched, spun silk, gilded.
Blue prints lost, stolen by crow’s greedy beak.
Black stormy winds blew, tempest quake.
Petals scattered to the wind.
But the artisan’s guild found the blueprint
And returned it to canvas, eternally.

July 29, 2003
aftermath
Reading back through the journal notes and the crazy feelings that is stirs, it seems like a dream. We met our friends that came with us on Sunday for brunch. We all felt the same, numb, and changed in some way. We were quiet as we spoke, ate very little. We tried to joke about it, but the words didn’t come. We were different and so close to one another.
We all talked to others we knew, about what happened. They all thought it was funny. They thought we all were strapped in at the chest, like all the other rides, until we told them the truth, then their eyes popped from their eyes. They can’t believe, nor will they ever. Were all not trying to be heroes or tragedy victims here? We don’t want total sympathy. All we want is to let people know, that even though we were total die hard freaks, it can happen. It was good to hear from everyone though, thanks=
We found some newspaper clippings from the associated press. The spokesperson from the park totally fabricated the whole thing. She said we were only on the ride for 20 minutes, lie. We were on over 40 minutes. See, 20 minutes is actually healthy for you to hang upside down. They have gravity bars for that, so the park seemed to be in good standards. She also said the police arrive right on the spot, yeah right. Did you ever see a cop run? They rushed a child to the hospital complaining of asthma. They forgot to mention she was 29 and hallucinating, and hyperventilating.
What was must scary about her press statements were, that the emergency circuitry was working properly= meaning the leg lock. They took down our numbers and they never called to see if we were alright. We still have a Q-Bot machine (the one that took the reservation) and we did get a call from them yesterday. “WHERE’S OUR Q-BOT?” when we explained why we never dropped it back to the office, they were really nice. They wished us well and told us not to worry. They seemed like the only humans who worked there. Thank you=for being considerate.
Well after all the doctor visits, chiropractors, and trauma therapists, not to mention all the drugs and sedatives, we are well.
I can’t wait until our lawyer gives them a call…….its too bad all the CEO’s could not get their just deserts, if I could have it, they would have to go through the same ordeal.

July 29, 2003
aftermath

Reading back through the journal notes and the crazy feelings that is stirs, it seems like a dream. We met our friends that came with us on Sunday for brunch. We all felt the same, numb, and changed in some way. We were quiet as we spoke, ate very little. We tried to joke about it, but the words didn’t come. We were different and so close to one another.
We all talked to others we knew, about what happened. They all thought it was funny. They thought we all were strapped in at the chest, like all the other rides, until we told them the truth, then their eyes popped from their eyes. They can’t believe, nor will they ever. not to mention what went through all of our heads. saying our peace, saying good bye to people in our head, and knowing that if we all fell, there was nothing we could do about it. but thank bob it did not happen.Were all not trying to be heroes or tragedy victims here? We don’t want total sympathy. All we want is to let people know, that even though we were total die hard freaks, it can happen. It was good to hear from everyone though, thanks=
We found some newspaper clippings from the associated press. The spokesperson from the park totally fabricated the whole thing. She said we were only on the ride for 20 minutes, lie. We were on over 40 minutes. See, 20 minutes is actually healthy for you to hang upside down. They have gravity bars for that, so the park seemed to be in good standards. She also said the police arrive right on the spot, yeah right. Did you ever see a cop run? They rushed a child to the hospital complaining of asthma. They forgot to mention she was 29 and hallucinating, and hyperventilating.
What was must scary about her press statements were, that the emergency circuitry was working properly= meaning the leg lock. They took down our numbers and they never called to see if we were alright. We still have a Q-Bot machine (the one that took the reservation) and we did get a call from them yesterday. “WHERE’S OUR Q-BOT?” when we explained why we never dropped it back to the office, they were really nice. They wished us well and told us not to worry. They seemed like the only humans who worked there. Thank you=for being considerate.
Well after all the doctor visits, chiropractors, and trauma therapists, not to mention all the drugs and sedatives, we are well.
I can’t wait until our lawyer gives them a call…….its too bad all the CEO’s could not get their just deserts, if I could have it, they would have to go through the same ordeal.

Continued…..
At first things were alright. The generators shut off and the air grew quiet. We joked for a moment. Then I looked down. We were 75 feet in the air with only the ground below us. The leg lock was still working. Then something flashed in my mind, what if the power goes and the lock is released. I started crying really hard. Sasha kept comforting me, joking and telling me it will be over any minute. As the minutes passed, which felt like an eternity, it was still not over. I could here Karma behind me say, look! They are evacuating the park. Hundreds of people were told to run to the front gate. They totally cleared the right side of the park... I knew something bad was going to happen. They don’t clear out anything unless they don’t want witnesses. By this time I started hyperventilating. Sasha was great; he helped me get my breathing back, which then turned into an asthma attack. A 16 year old employee came up the log-floom ramp and tried to talk to us. He kept screaming out to us “sit back and relax, take deep shallow breaths…..” karma’s boyfriend yelled out “what the fuck do you mean, take shallow deep breaths? Those are opposites you ass hole, get us the fuck down!!! He asked if everyone was alright. Sasha told him about me. The ground was full of police and a large group of employees who looked like they were being trained by their team leader on “DANGER”. No one was doing anything. Then a man yelled from the back “there’s an 8 year old up here, get him down!!!! Again, the kid yelled to us the same crap, and we all screamed at him. By this time it was 30 minutes upside down. My face was red and hot. My fingers were totally saturated in sweat. My legs had totally gone numb from the weight on the bar. They went into spazom and were constantly skaking. I did all that I could to hold on to the leg bar. If I didn’t I could feel myself slipping out. I was thinking about death. I now had no more strength, so if the locks opened, I could not try to grab anything. If I fainted, I would have gone limp and fallen to the ground. Though I was very happy to be sitting next to my boyfriend. I don’t know how horrific and experience like this one would have been for those who sat next to a total stranger, with a possibility of death in the air. Then I thought I heard a fire truck siren in the air. I started screaming out “there here, the fire trucks are coming”. Sasha and karma said there were no trucks coming. I was hallucinating from the blood in my head. The two guys in front of us turned and told me everything was alright. We then saw a cherry picker in the distance make its way over. The thing was going 2 miles an hour. When it finally got under us, it lifted a man up with a crow bar. He wedged it under the front car, and then pushed us backwards. We were moving back off the cork screw and down the track to the bottom. We rocked back and forth for another ten minutes. I think I cried harder at this point. We finally stopped. The paramedics came over and gave me oxygen. They got us off the car and onto a stretcher. 20 people swarmed around me, asking me if I was alright. I started getting claustrophobic from them and told them to get away while I breathed the mask. I looked up and everyone looked like they hell. Teary-eyed and red faces. No one could really walk from the pressure of their weight on the bar. It was a mess. People were getting names and phone numbers, giving out water, and offering bribes from the park. “WE WANT TO GIVE YOU ANYTHING< ANYTHING. The kids were offered season passes, tee shirts, hats, anything. Karma’s boyfriend said “get a lawyer, your not going to take anything these people have to offer. Everyone agreed. They put me on the ambulance and sent me to the hospital. They got rid of the asthma attack for me, they also helped me lower my blood pressure and heart rate= which was sky high. The doctor told me that he use to work there, and that there was so much shit that was covered up, for the public. They released me after an hour. My blood was so thin, it kept leaking out over the gauze from an IV.

I will continue this later…….

ONE IN A MILLION

JULY 25, 2003
GREAT ADVENTURE THEME PARK; NEW JERSEY

I AM NOT REALLY SURE WERE TO BEGIN WITH THIS, IT ALL IS A WHITISH BLURE IN MY MIND. BUT THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE CHANGED MY LIFE IN MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. ALL EVENTS ARE TRUE…NO KIDDING THIS TIME.

THE FOUR OF US TOOK THE DAY OFF AND DROVE TO GREAT ADVENTURE. WE DO IT ONCE OR TWICE A YEAR. KARMA AND HER BOYFRIEND ACCUMPANIED MY BOYFRIEND SASHA AND I. WE GOT THERE WHEN THE PARK OPENED AND WENT DIRECTLY TO THE NEWEST RIDE “SUPERMAN”. WE SAT IN LINE FOR AN HOUR IN THE HOT SUN. TOO HOT. WE WERE ALMOST AT THE GATE WHEN THE RIDE LOCKED UP. THE PEOPLE WERE HELD IN A LAYING POSSITION, COMFERTABLE. 5 MINUTES LATER THE RIDE STARTED UP AND FINNISHED SUCCESSFULLY. WE DIDN’T FIND OUT WHAT WENT WRONG WITH IT, ALL WE WANTED WAS TO GET ON AND GET OUT OF THE SUN. AFTER OUR RIDE FINNISHED, IT WAS NOT WORTH THE HOUR WE SPENT IN LINE.
WE SPENT THE DAY GOING FROM ROLLER COASTER TO ROLLER COASTER HAVING A BALL. KARMA’S BOYFRIEND TOLD US THIS WAS HIS FIRST TIME IN A THEME PARK. HE WAS RELUCTANT TO COME BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID OF HEIGHTS. I ASSURED HIM THAT THE RIDES WERE SAFE AND THAT I WAS AFRAID OF HEIGHTS ALSO. HE ALSO TOLD US THAT ONE OF HIS FRIENDS LOST HIS WIFE AND KID ON A ROLLER COASTER. THE FELL OUT TO THEIR DEATH. THEN WE WERE ON THE DISCUSSION OF THE THEME PARK DOWN SOUTH THAT WAS IN THE NEWS. IT SEEMS A RIDE SHUT DOWN FOR 3 HOURS, TRAPPING THE PEOPLE ON IT ALSO. SCARY.
IT WAS 6 O’CLOCK AND WE WERE GOING TO GET ON BATMAN AND ROBIN. THIS WAS ONE OF MY PERSONAL FAVORITES. THE RIDE ONLY LASTS 1 MINUTE, BUT THE JULT IS INTENCE. WITH OUR PREMERE PASS WE AVOIDED THE LINES AND WENT UP THE BACK. THERE WAS A LARGE LINE OF OTHERS WHO PAID THE $50.00 EXTRA DOLLARS FOR THE SURVISE. YOU MAKE THE RESERVATION AT THE ENTRANCE AND IT POSTS A TIME FOR YOU TO GET ON, THUS, YOU AVOID WAITING IN THE LINE UNDER THE HOT SUN.ANYWAYS, THE WHOLE LINE WAS IN AN UPROAR DUE TO THE FACT THAT THIS RIDE WAS TAKING SO LONG TO GET ON. OUR RESERVATION TOOK 2 &1/2 HOURS BEFORE WE COULD GET ON. THIS WAS STRANGE; ALL THE OTHERS TOOK 30 MINUTES. EVERYONE ELSE SAID THE SAME THING. WE ALSO NOTICED THIS RIDE WAS NOT MOVING A FEW TIMES DURRING THE DAY. WE THOUGHT THEY CLOSED IT DOWN FOR THE DAY. THE BAT MAN SIDE WAS UP AND RUNNING, BUT THE ROBIN SIDE WAS NOT. IT WAS A FRIDAY AND IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER. WHY WOULD THEY NOT HAVE BOTH SIDES RUNNING, DUE TO ITS POPULARITY? AFTER WAITING 20 MINUTES, WE WERE NEXT IN LINE TO BOARD. WE WERE EXCITED BY HOW FAST THE CAR WENT OUT AND CAME BACK IN,. WE TIMED IT= 1 MINUTE. IT SHOOTS YOU OUT WITH ENOUGH SPEED TO CLIMB THE MANY LOOPS AND CORK SCREWS TO THE TOP OF A HIGH RAMP, THUS COLLECTING ENOUGH SPEED AND MOMENTUM TO BRING YOU BACK TO THE FROUNT GATE BACKWARDS.
WE WERE ABOUT TO GET ON WHEN AN OLD MAN TRIED TO CROWD THE LINE. I TOLD HIM TO GET IN LINE. HE GOT MAD AND SAID SOMETHING BACK. WE WALKED TO THE MIDDLE CAR AND THE FOUR OF US GOT IN. THE 16 YEAR OLD ATTENDANTS CAME OVER AND PUSHED A SMALL RED LEG BAR OVER THE TOPS OF OUR LEGS. IT WAS SNUG WITH A LITTLE BIT OF LEEWAY. OUR FEET WERE ALSO HELD DOWN WITH TWO FOOT BARS, SO YOU COULD NOT MOVE. THE RIDE WAS ABOUT TO GO AND I SCREEMED OUT TO OUR FRIENDS “READY”…….WE WERE OFF
WITH AN ENORMOUS FORCE THE CAR FLEW FORWARD. OVER THE FIRST LOOP AND THE SECOND, THEN SPUN THROUGH THE TWO CORK SCREWS AND UP THE RAMP. SASHA NOTICED AND SAID “WE ONLY WENT UP HALF WAY” I HOPE WE HAVE ENOUGH SPEED TO GET BACK. I LAUGHED NOT REALLY THINKING ABOUT IT. THE CAR STOPPED AND FLEW BACKWARDS HEADING FOR THE FRONT GATE. WE TOOK THE FIST CORK SCREW AND SLOWED DOWN TO A STOP. THEN FORWARD, THEN BACK, UNTIL THE CAR WENT FORWARD UNTIL IT LOST ALL SPEED AND STOPPED COMPLETELY WITH ALL THE PASSENGERS EXCEPT THE FRONT CAR COMPLETELY UPSIDE DOWN. WE WERE AT THE TOP OF A 100FT GERDER; UNSIDE DOWN HOLDING ON TO THE BARS FOR SUPPORT.
WHAT HAPPENED? WE WERE STUCK IN THIS POSSITION FOR 45 MINUTES, LEGS KNUMB, NO STREINGH TO HOLD ON, FEARING THAT THE BREAK WILL RELEASE AND SENDING US ALL TO OUR DEATHS. IF WE DIDN’T HOLD ON, WE COULD HAVE SLIPPED OUT. IF WE FAINTED FROM HIPERVENTILATING, WE COULD HAVE ALSO SLIPPED OUT. WHAT DID I DO? I FUCKING PANICED
I WILL WRITE MORE LATER, I AM SHAKING WHILE I WRITE THIS.

summertime
bumblebee's and dandee line clocks

REEDNECK HAIKU'S

BEAUTY
nAKED IN REPOSE
SILVERY SILHOUETTE GIRLS
ADORN MY MUDFLAPS

DESIRE
DAMN, IN THAT TUB-TOP
YOU MAKE ME ALMOST FERGET
THAT YOU'R MY COUSIN.

rEMORSE
A PAINFUL SADNESS
CAN'T FIT THE BIG SCREEN TV THROUGH
DOUBLE WIDES FRONT DOOR.

DRAMA
SET THE VCR
DUKES OF HAZZARD MARATHON
STARTS AT 9 O'CLOCK.

GATHERING
IN EARLY MORNING MIST
MAM SEARCHES CIRCLE K FOR
MOONPIES AND REDMAN.

DEPRIVED
IN WALMART TOY AISLE
WAILING BOY WANTS RASSLIN-DOLL
MAMA WHUPS HIS ASS.

IMPOUNDED
SIXTY FIVE DOLLARS
AND CYCLONE FENCE KEEPS ME FROM
MY EL-CAMINO.

EXUBERANCE
JOYOUS, PLAYFUL, BRIGHT
TRAILER-PARK GIRL ROLLS IN PUDDLE
OF OLD MOTER OIL.


PLAY TIME
LIKE A BUZZING BEE
PLOWING THROUGH THE WOODED PATH
JIM-BOB'S 4 WHEELER.

LOVE
LOVE IN THE SPRING TIME
SHE RUNS AS FAST AS SHE CAN
AWAY FROM BROTHER.

OUTING
DRESSED IN SUNDAY BEST
AHH LITTLE JIM-BOB FORGETS
TO TUCK IN HIS TAIL.

RAIN
SPRINKLES, WARM AND WET
GRANDPA TALKING IN THE SUN
PUTS IN HIS DENTURES.

stolli

cheeky smelling men. cigar swappin lies. dayold women burping up stagnet skems. time for the daily special. twist cap sniffing bores, spiting and regergitating an old fond memory. snaffols from the dark back table of barflying princesses with their glossy nails and protruding noses. the faint squeek of the bar towel over the cigarete burned bar. his eye anciously awaiting the clock to tap twelve. the silent hose from the bottom of the stall, fallon around the ankle into the toliet swipe. a soft drunken murmor in the stagnet air. they wait in line to wipe their pritty white asses after pissing all over the toliet seat. decadent.
eye spy, for i, sipping a most poinent martini high above on the heaven lifted chair. feet so free to dangle, unable to touch the sticky floor. scents of NOLA as i inhale the thick rich of the smoke of my amber glowing cigar. tobacco tabs inhabit bits of the toung, too powerless to spit out. circular twists of the jaw, grinding the nicatine from jaw to vein, wicked. bartender, another of the same. the watery substance shaken, alcoholic bubbly....in vermoth, olive, and when no one is looking, a little dirty, for the dirty girl at the bar. thanks mister, but no thanks to the man at the end of the bar, as i slid my 20 at the poor tired bloke behind the alcohol prison. from glass to lip, toung slid back, thanks for the trouble, this ones on me, five er. times to presious to waste. crack of glasses, sliding down the velvety liquid to the back of the throat. time clocknow not in mind. later; tip toe out, giggle, giggle, open sky opened lungs to the stick of tobacco's essence....

Barnickle Bill the sailer

A year had past and it was time for the annual fishing trip along the sound in Long Island. With 4 hours of sleep we boarded the SS Minow at 6am. ten friends and family and 40 total strangers. after 1 hour of steddy sailing, the boat stopped and the whissel blew....time to fish. so many people found it dissasterous as they got their lines hooked to oneanother....constant screeming from those avid fisherman who put in their $5.00 for the pool, only to get their lines hooked to the guy on the other side of the boat. the Testosteron mounted throughout the day by the men who took this weekend like it was a sport. "i went last weekend and i caught a 12 pound flook"........
the early afternoon sun beat down on us while i already caught my 4th flook. it was great watching all the kids on the boat catch fish, of which were all keepers, while the die hard fisherman did not. tention mounted next to me from a father who spent $40.00 to fish for the day, not catch anything, while his son next to him, caught a bucket full and won the pool. he felt so unlucky that he traded places with his son thinking hed actually benifit. his son, next to me, said "you watch dad, wouldn't be funnt if i caught something at this place where you haven't all day?" sure enough, within 10 minutes he did and his dad just about punched his lights out.
then the frustration turned to anger as the next fish i caught was pulled up. the ship mate came over to take the hook out of his mouth. the fish had large teeth and it flapped spazstickly over the floor. he took his fist and punched it in the head as hard as he could. it stopped. when he threw it in the water (too small to keep) i asked him if he had killed it. "no just unconcious". yeah right, i didn't know blood shot out of the head when one goes unconcious. after that another guy who caught his 20th sea robin (not a fish you want to eat=poisonous) whipped out his long Crocodial dundie knife and stabbed it.....the ship mate came out and told him to chill out. another guy tried kicking a sea robin under the banister and into the water, but it got stuck. he kicked it until it passed through the narrow opening about 20 minutes later........
my father had a great time also. he caught a shark and an american flag......what a laugh..
all in all we spent $40.00 for the fishing trip, $10.00 on food, and $6.00 on beer........the look on the dye hard fisherman who caught nothing? priceless!!!!!!!

for the deranged only
http://www.bertisevil.nl/evidence.htm

inextinguishable

the moon leaned and bent it's form over the soft curves of the ocean. translusent blues and opegue whites. the warmth of the sea coveted the balms of my feet. the tide, titillating against the skin. i lade back breathless while the light of the sky danced in my eyes. the waves appetite began to grow. slow at first, rising only a couple of inches toward the shore. until its mass rose as high as the heavens and its rage and passion came down like thunder. it never tired, always devoted with such vaulting ambition. the warm naughty water moved low to high. slow to fast. the water sighed and cryed out to night. it thursted and hungered for the shore each time it leeped at it. the devil may care, i layed in it, letting it carress and consume me. soft and pure, leaving me only to come back and do it over and over and over until it took me with it, back out to sea, under the white of the moon=luna

my mind is pregnant.....................
after seeing the movie "Sex And Lucia" i pondered for a while, what if someone went through life, and in the middle of their life time, could go back to the middle of it. what would be to them, a very happy and uphoric time that was quite possibly the happyist time ever. if you could go back, where would you go? were would you be, and with who? what would you be doing? i think this is a great idea for all those out there who forgot who they are. the one's who wake up in the morning and while washing their hair, are actually thinking about what they need to do today. or those walking down the street with a mean look on their faces, the ones who treat others with the same evil, vindictive, conviction that run through their veins. for anyone who forgot how to actually live life without the basic senses. the world is so fucked up. people are running around thinking always in the future, that they forget the present. work,work,work!!!well damn you all to hell!!!!!!how about "I wont grow up today". they always said, sence birth, when you grow up you will have alot of responsibility. well fuck everyone who believes that shit. trained to bitterness. there is so much that needs to get done (that is also agreed by me) that people dont have time to actually breath. all the pleasures of the senses are shut down. like in the movie Equalibrium for instance, all senses are illegal, no one feels. this is important for the growth of civilization......thats reality today. has anyone stopped to feel the bubbles in their hair as they lather it up and feel a few pop, or the way the texture of the soap tickles the hair on the back of their hand? how mud feels over the naked flesh? shit, even walked down the streets of NY smiling? that is one of the hardest things anyone can do. i do it allot. people are freaked out by it, they dont know how to respond to alittle happyness. it's not in their nature anymore. thats fucked up! but true.there is even people who enjoy picking fights. yeah, now their a bunch of winners, carring guns and knives. they think, well there are people who carry guns out there, so i have to protect myself also. duuhhh, has anyone ever stuck out their tonge at anyone. it works great and feels fun, rendering the guilty speachless........... well, for all those who forgot to feel, try it sometime. it feels beautiful.

getting even the irish way

last night was enough, i finally had it with the neibors. we live on a street that has row houses, all attached. the back yards are small and separated by fences. on our block is a wild assortment of culture and deversity. last year, a few houses down, lived a hispanic family that grew corn in their front yard. it was great to see 10ft high corn in a city so close to NYC. everyone on this bloock is great, except for the black trash family living on welfare next to us. its a single mom with 5 or so kids, not really sure who's kids are who's. the street on the weekend is littered with them playing football and hopscotch. the mother must hate her life and kids. "you kids need to get out side, go play in the road, go play in traffic". she is great though, so out spoaken, F%#@* this, F*#@% that all the time. we hear her love through the walls daily, even though they are brick. the back yard is a great place for them to play in also. the grass is gone and when it rains it turns into a muddy romperroom, full of adventure. two of the little darlings are under the age of 6. they stand out there and are always nice to eacher screaming" F%#@ you, and F*&%# you too, MOM!!! the only thing that grows out there is a poison shumack tree and some seeds i threw there in the spring, to help it grow into a nice back yard. my fathers friend started up a company to get revenge on his rich, snotty neibors. his company is Dirty deed seeds. there is a rich assortment of poison ivy, poison oak, nedels, ect. so now that summer is here, so are they. the kids also like to trow dirt at the bumble bee's as well as the house, the windows and our appartment. they loved doing it so much we took the hose to them.they stopped playing throw the dirt at the neibors house after that. well enough of the background. last night, the mother was so loud through the walls that i could not take it anymore. she was perched on the window sill and screamed at her kids as if they were a mile away. ENOUGH! i went in to fetch my irish bagpips and drum CD, popped it in and ran the speakers out the door. i cranked the sucker so load that she jumped at the first bite of sound, and rendered her speachless. i turned it off. she then opened his yap once more and i blasted her again. it worked evertime until finally she gave up and went inside. thank BOB for irish music=

July 16, 2003
Understanding the word Virgin......
I have wanted to have an online journal for a while now, but I have never done it.....
sure it's easy to write just about anything, and BOB knows there is enough of it on my shielfs. what is so scary is what to write for the first time, or what is the topic. feeling like a gitty little school girl in her starched white shirt, plad skirt and pat-in-leather shoes, i decided to look up a word that reflected this feeling.
Virgin; in the websters dictionary states="Free from stain." I am confused here, what kind of stain are we talking about. jelly stain? toothpaste stain? coffee stain? well this wont do. maybe it refers to Monica Luinsky..... next definition;" The mother of Jesus". well, as anti religous as i am, I wont even touch this one. next definition; "Unspoiled". well if anyone knows me they all know about the corsit collection i have spoiled myself with. next definition please; "not altered by human activity" yeah right, sounds like tarzans sister.....come on now! next; Initial, First." there we go, my first time writing on the internet. i feel so dirty!!!!